As my friend drove, I tried to be with her in the car in conversation. It was difficult. I felt very anxious about my treatment. I walked into the treatment room upon arrival as they were ready for me. I sat on the bed and shivered as I took off my shoes. The room was freezing! I jokingly complained and the nurse agreed with me. I was asked some questions by the doctor and then completed a self-report about my mood. The IV was inserted and the infusion began. The lights were dimmed and after a few minutes I started to feel that sense of slowness.
It was quiet and aside from the nurses checking on me, I was left alone. While I was fine with that, after a little while, I began to cry. I had so many thoughts in my head which were heightened. The nurse brought me tissues and kept checking on me. There was a point when I had an itch on my head and the process of taking my arm from under the blanket and moving it up in order to scratch felt so slow and odd. I almost asked the nurse if I was okay as if I could not gauge myself. It was a little scary.
The infusion finished and within a few minutes I started to feel a bit clearer. I spoke with the doctor who assured me that crying during the treatment is no indication of whether the infusions will help or not. He said there are some patients who sob during the infusions but a few hours later feel good. That allayed my fears.
It's been several hours since I completed the infusion and I feel tired and sad. I am hopeful and ready to feel sparks of feeling better.