I have learned a lot about love during this depression. I have always known my husband, Ken, loves me, but what I have experienced over the past few months is simply love personified. His patience, trust, respect and commitment to “us” is the most incredible thing I have ever experienced. While I am in my own personal hell, he is right there by my side. He will spend extra time with our daughter when I need a break, he will bring her to birthday parties so I don’t have to cope with crowds, he cares for our daughter one night a week when I go to my psychiatrist. He is not allowing my depression to get in the way; it is only making him an even better husband and father.
While I have always known that Ken is amazing, it has taken these past (almost) 8 years to truly feel it, experience it and live it. Our relationship is stronger today than it was just a few months ago. While my depression is horrible, it is bringing us together in a poignant, loving and incredible way. I could never have imagined this. While I am doing my work in therapy, our relationship is becoming stronger as a result. It is almost like a therapy two for one (we are saving so much money!!). In the past when I have struggled with depression I was single and it was a very different experience, emotionally. I have been worried about its effect on Ken and our daughter but Ken has taken charge and we are working together in the best possible way. We have not been in such symbiotic harmony before and my worry has lessened as a result.
I have to thank my depression for moving my love forward for Ken. Weird, huh? It feels weird to write it but it is true. If I never got depressed, Ken and I would not be where we are today. Things really do happen for a reason. I am a firm believer in that. I knew that Ken was my b’shert (meant to be) when I met him in Starbucks via Jdate almost 8 years ago, but everything we have been through has brought us to this pivotal point.
I thought I knew what love was especially when I fell in love with Ken, but what I am feeling now is so much more. It is a light and it is a gift. While we have had our struggles, like everyone, I would not change what the past months have been in order to get to this point. I am still depressed, still playing with medications, but I am not alone. I have an amazing man by my side, literally and figuratively.