Friday, December 20, 2013

Invalidated

If I share my experiences with infertility and those I share with validate these experiences by saying they, too, had their own experiences, does that then invalidate my experience? I feel lucky that since going public with my struggle, many women have shared their own experiences...my fear is that infertility will become so common that individuals will get lost in the process of sharing. I don't want women to feel the need to "one up" one other (I have heard countless times from other women that I should just be thankful that at least I have my daughter). Of course I am thankful but please don't invalidate my sadness of not being able to have another.  Why can't women just listen to each other.. really hear one another and just provide open support? Why must it always be so hostile even when it comes to something so personal as fertility treatment?
Honestly, and personally speaking...I don't want to be lost.

Thursday, December 5, 2013

Sick...and Tired

You know that feeling you have the day after a good workout? Your stomach muscles are aching and you feel so proud? Well, that is NOT what I a feeling right now. My stomach muscles are sure sore but it is from the excessive coughing, not from any workout. I have been sick for a few days. The cough is now painful as my stomach muscles are yelling at me. I have not slept in a few nights as the cough is at its worse at night (of course). Last night was a bit better with longer stretches of actual sleep but today I am coughing much more and it is daylight. I am taking a prescription med from my PCP and will wait until tomorrow to be seen if it is really not better.

When you are sick your defenses are down, you are more vulnerable and you are an emotional moving target. That is me this week. I am feeling very down, have baby on the brain and am beating myself up (again) about not being able to become pregnant and give my daughter a sibling. While I know that these feelings will ebb and flow, it is just a difficult week for me. Being sick is one thing, but to add emotional stress certainly does not help.

I just keep thinking of what my mom always says when something bad or hard happens: "As Nana (my grandmother) used to say, 'these are all things in life.'"
It is actually providing some comfort.

So for now, it is back to bad daytime TV (the Today show has really gone downhill!!) and taking care of myself.