Wednesday, September 25, 2013

And We're Off!!

So it now begins...the official last hurrah. I took my first Estradiol pill this morning and therefore have begun our fourth frozen embryo transfer attempt. I am trying to remain calm and not stress too much. The past couple of weeks have been difficult as my moods have been all over the place and now I am concerned of the long-term effects of taking all of this estrogen and progesterone. I will need to discuss with my reproductive endocrinologist.
I am relieved and excited about this attempt for it will give my husband, daughter and I closure, one way or another. Of course I want to become pregnant from this and complete our family, but if not, I will know we did all we could mentally, physically and financially and we can then move on. That is what is calming me a bit more in this attempt...there is light at the end of the tunnel and the light is bright and positive, no matter what happens. It is not about already having a daughter, for whom I am beyond thankful. I will still need to mourn not having another child and not giving our daughter a sibling. I will make it all okay for me, for my daughter and my husband, for the three of us.
This is my focus and my serenity.

Tuesday, September 3, 2013

Forward Thinking

It's been a while since I wrote and there has been a lot going on. We had a big family event last week which was wonderful and it was great to see my daughter have so much fun with her family. I am getting ready for our last FET in less than 2 weeks and I am nervous. I hate what the hormones do to me and they make me feel simply horrible. That lasts for several weeks and I just want it all to be worth it. I feel more positive about it all right now, whether we get pregnant or not. I will still need time to mourn if it does not work again, but I know I will make it through. Of course that is easy to feel now when I am not on any hormones, but it is good to know that I can try to hang on to these more positive feelings. 
Right now I am trying to focus on the things I can control in my life, which are not many with a 3 year old! I am trying to put positive energy into my work and trying to make fun plans. When you are going through fertility treatment, nothing is under your control and it is important for me to take some control before I start the process again.
I will continue to look forward, move forward and think positively of my future, whatever that may be.